Court

They haven’t called me to tell me but I found it online.

He’s now in court.

15.22pm 

The sentence was given today. 5 years because he pled guilty straight away and he will also be deported.

Feels final and finished. I’m amazed at how quick it has all happened and know how luck I am.

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Broken Objects

A beautiful quote given to me by my mother that I now have above my bed:

‘In Japan broken objects are often repaired with gold, the flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty.

Consider this when you feel broken’

Choices

Today speaking to my support she told me something that I found really helpful. 

Everything is a choice. 

So when I get stressed or upset or feel anxious in a situation I have to just chose a different option.

                       Recognise the issue 

                                       ^

                                  Choice 

           ^                         ^                         ^

     Let it go          Dwell on it         Postpone

I quite like this idea and plan to use it when I go away travelling at the end of the week.

Always think of three points of view.

          1                            2                          3

My feelings        Their feelings   The rational 

Postponed 

This morning I woke up to the news that the sentencing has been delayed. Apparently this is very common but it’s taken me by surprise.

Today I was hoping to feel like just another girl again and for everything to be over. 

Apparently this means nothing serious and that nothing has changed. It’s purely a small disappointment that seems much larger having waited. 

April

April 1st was when it happened. 

April Fools’ Day (sometimes called All Fools’ Day) is celebrated every year on April 1 by playing practical jokes and spreading hoaxes. The jokes and their victims are called April fools.

April 2nd Donal Trump proclaims April the month of Sexual Assault Awareness after being accused himself.

Donald Trump has announced that April will be “National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month” as the President fights multiple accusations of sexual assault himself.

The President has been accused of sexually assaulting more than 15 women.

‘Screaming Woman’

After the worst few days of my life reports were made in the press to find him.

I was told these would happen and decided for myself that I would not read them in case it would at all jeopardise the case if he was found.

unfortunately I accidentally read the title

Screaming woman dragged to ground and sexually assaulted in terrifying attack

I read the first few sentences and then it struck me. That woman was me.

I am just another girl, I am not defined as a victim or a ‘screaming woman’. I was just a girl walking home and I became a woman who won.

A Letter From My Mother

Darling daughter,

These have been my thoughts since that evening.

I felt angry that someone has hurt or tried to hurt my daughter. I am now rather nervous about either you or your sister travelling late at night. I used to be nervous when you were younger and has just started travelling by yourselves but recently I’d stopped worrying.

This has made me feel vulnerable. Things like this don’t happen to my family. I would read about these things in the paper with other people, faceless people, as victims. Now I realise that we aren’t immune and that nasty things can happen to us.

I feel very proud of you. You have proved yourself as strong and seem to be doing okay but I feel I need to watch you and make sure you don’t start to react adversely.

I am delighted that your boyfriend has moved in with us. I’m so happy that he was there and that he now walks you home from the station whenever you get home. One of your friends made a comment about ‘controlling’ behaviour from us since the event. They have forgotten what you’ve gone through. It’s nice for us to know you’re safe and that he can be your ‘bodyguard’ without us even having to ask.

I’m grateful that you had the guts to scream and will always be eternally grateful that those people came so quickly. So much worse could have happened.

When I read the articles it was so difficult. Incredibly odd to imagine this story involving you. You will eventually stop trembling whenever we talk about what happened. Even in these last few weeks the uncontrollable trembling has reduced to light shaking.

It will all be okay,

Another mother